I’m alive..honest!

Nice dispatch of the Yanks; hopefully they can use the broom again with the Phils today.

Maybe I should just post via Twitter…I could come up with 140 characters a day!

25 thoughts on “I’m alive..honest!”

  1. A BMW on the Autobahn. A track that is clean and fast, with no speed limit. Just a little seasoning before the 31st, and it would be probable that no one in the world could stop them.

    There are few things more beautiful than when the sox are hammering it out on all 12 cylinders.

    WHOOSH!

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  2. Friends-

    I miss DLews ‘going about his business’, and ‘doing the little things that count’.

    And I miss his postgame interviews, dressed in a $1000 3 piece suit, talking about ‘moving the runners along’, while his tiny mustache constantly twitched in 4 directions, threatening to remove it itself from his face, and fall to the floor.

    -Big

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  3. Rats Ass Says I
    .
    .
    The bronze rat
    .
    A Tourist walked into a Chinese curio shop in San Francisco. While looking around at the exotic merchandise, he noticed a very lifelike, life-sized, bronze statue of a rat.
    .
    It had no price tag, but was so incredibly striking the tourist decided he must have it. He took it to the old shop owner and asked, “How much for the bronze rat?”
    .

    “Ahhh, you have chosen wisely! It is $12 for the rat, $100 for the story,” said the wise old Chinaman. The tourist quickly pulled out twelve dollars. “I’ll just take the rat, you can keep the story.”
    .

    As he walked down the street carrying his bronze rat, the tourist noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the alleys and sewers and had begun following him down the street. This was a bit disconcerting so he began walking faster.
    .

    A couple blocks later he looked behind him and saw to his horror the herd of rats behind him had grown to hundreds, and they began squealing.
    .
    Sweating now, the tourist began to trot toward the Bay. Again, after a couple blocks, he looked around only to discover that the rats now numbered in the MILLIONS, and were squealing and coming toward him faster and faster.
    .
    Terrified, he ran to the edge of the Bay and threw the bronze rat as far as he could into the Bay.
    Amazingly, the millions of rats all jumped into the Bay after the bronze rat, and were all drowned.
    .
    The man walked back to the curio shop in Chinatown.
    “Ahhh,” said the owner, “You have come back for story?”
    .
    “No sir,” said the man, “I came back to see if you have a bronze Democrat.”

  4. O Sister.
    .
    A train hits a bus load of nuns and they all perish. They are all in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates past St. Peter.
    He asks the first nun, ”Sister Karen, have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
    .
    The nun giggles and slyly replies, ”Well once I touched the head of one with the tip of my finger.”
    .
    St. Peter says, ”OK, dip the tip of your finger in the holy water and pass through the gate.”
    .
    St. Peter asks the next nun the same question, ”Sister Elizabeth have you ever had any contact with a penis?”
    .
    The nun is a little reluctant but replies ”Well once I fondled and stroked one.”
    .
    St. Peter says ”OK, dip your whole hand in the holy water and pass through the gate.”

    All of a sudden, there is a lot of commotion in the line of nuns, one nun is pushing her way to the front of the line.
    .
    When she reaches the front of the line St. Peter says ”Sister, Sister what seems to be the rush?!
    .
    ”The nun replies, ”If I’m going to have to gargle that holy water, I want to go before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”

  5. Friends-

    Heres a thing which is surprisingly terrifying-

    To be forced to sleep 1 night in a room full of chinese dolls. There would only be the faintest of light, so as to maniacally illuminate their faces.

    For full effect, several funhouse mirrors would adorn the walls.

    -Big

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  6. From the Dept of Revolunnies :

    Arizona approves bill allowing guns in bars
    Critics of the measure say guns and alcohol are dangerous combination.

    updated 11:43 a.m. ET, Wed., July 1, 2009
    PHOENIX – The Arizona Senate has given final approval to a bill that would allow people with concealed weapons permits to carry a gun into a business that serves alcohol.

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  7. Best wishes to you all as we prepare to celebrate a stirring declaration 233 years ago. And deepest thanks to all who sacrificed to achieve and maintain our independence — especially, in my family, an 84 yr old uncle who successfully lied his way into the US Navy as a 16-yr old in early 1942. So many from that generation, including my dad, are now gone, and we miss them.

    So we don’t miss you, please don’t drink and drive. I was nearly taken out by Tuesday night/Wednesday afternoon, but that’s another story.

  8. Hi-

    Over the years many of you have asked me why i dont like to meet in real life. Well now i will tell you-
    I have no pupils. Thats right- no pupils. Ive found that people find this very disconcerting, and i might admit to a little embarassment myself.

    In a non-related madder, it seems that chat attendance is way down from last year. After some thought, ive concluded that many have grown tired of conversing via keyboard and a chat room.

    So im here to suggest that from now on we chat via conference calls on the telephone.

    Comments? Anyone?

    – Big Baby

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  9. Ladies-

    Attention females- I have a question…

    What would you do if you were having sex 1 night…the man on top like it used to be…his hands on your back…him slamming away…

    AND YOU SUDDENLY REALIZED HE HAD 6 FINGERS ON EACH HAND.

    Could you continue? Would you scream? Begin praying the Rosary?

    You make the call!

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